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Posts tagged ‘diabetes humor’

How do sets fail? Let me count the ways.

How do sets fail? Let me count the ways.
They fail in the depth of night
when blood sugar shoots out of sight –
or there’s a marked delay
when the bolus hits later in the day.
They go with a whimper
and blood sugar drifts up
up – or a bang
and ketones have you peeing in a cup.
Till a new set is in
and blood sugar decreases.
We’re all smiles –
till the next set ceases.

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Dinner as Math Problem

Pre-bolus 25 carbs, stall toddler for 20 minutes. Toddler begins to eat. Pat self on back.

1 hour and 4 “time outs” later, toddler goes on hunger strike. Weigh food – 12 carbs left to cover. Frantic search for tempting carbs as blood sugar drops.

Pasta – problem solved.

Pasta tips onto floor, dog eats – half? 8 carbs.

4 carbs left to cover – and toddler is now eating Dad’s corn on the cob – demands more. 13 carbs eaten. Bolus 7. Blood sugar shoots up – ah, corn. Sugar is now winning the race.

Minus 1/4 French toast equals… 1 beer for Mom, 1 1/2 hours after dinner began.

Bad Santa

I always thought having kids made you a better person – you learn patience and selflessness, you realize you share a common bond with much of the planet, and you finally realize how much your parents put up with. Raising a kid with a physical/mental challenge is supposed to make you even more saintly.

You want a pancre-what for Christmas?

I have not noticed this. Raising a toddler with T1D has made me cranky, thin-skinned, and even more OCD than before. It has, however, put me in touch with my inner bad Santa:

  • Luke complains that his site/set is itchy and hurts, but I won’t change it, because this one actually WORKS.
  • I give him extra helpings of dessert, because by God – my kid may have diabetes, but he CAN have sugar!
  • Easter turns into a cascade of presents, because God knows – my kid doesn’t need the extra sugar!
  • I play the D card in a restaurant in order to get my my child’s dinner brought quickly.
  • Luke gets to stay up late and watch TV while sucking down apple juice (hello, BG 50) from a bottle/stay up late dancing to the Gorillaz (hello, BG 329)
  • The Dex beeps, but I ignore it to catch the end of Breaking Bad/snooze for another 30 min./finish a blog post/ahem

Come back August 5 for this week’s Sugar Bolus giveaway – Not Dead Yet!

Mini Oreo Bumps

When Luke’s BG started diving in the grocery store, we grabbed a bag of mini Oreos and stopped the fall with something more fun than apple juice.

Those 3 cookies (2.5 carbs each) showed up on the Dex like stones skipping across the water – three little blood sugar bumps.

The Dex quickly took a less poetic view of the Oreo bumps –

WTF???

Well, fun while it lasted!

(“Luke, you have chocolate drool on your face,” I said, mopping away while he tried to flirt with girls down the aisle. “Girls like chocolate drool,” he stated, with almost-three-year-old confidence.)